and then it goes to show that what you think isn’t always what you know.
As much as I truly want to believe in only the essentials of life; I know that they are overlooked. That simple moments, vital to ones growth, often go unobserved. Consequently when this is realized it rarely creates a pivotal turn of events and only few undergo a definite change of lifestyle.
At initial reaction to death, I thought I had matured as a person; grown into something more than what I ever thought I could. However, at present I feel that I have only regressed. My feeling of apprehension towards the inevitable (death, growing old, losing relationships) has increased and I am unable to differentiate the feeling as caused by my early observation of death or solely because I am aging.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I’ll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
(instrumental)
Beyond the door
There’s peace I’m sure.
And I know there’ll be no more…
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven
Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven
—i carry your heart with me—
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
—ee cummings.
it should have been me inside that car…
“Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it because you can’t know. You can’t ever really know the meaning of your life. And you don’t need to. Just know that your life has a meaning. Every life has a meaning, whether it lasts one hundred years or one hundred seconds. Every life, and every death changes the world in its own way. Ghandi knew this. He knew his life would mean something to someone, somewhere, somehow. And he knew with as much certainty that he could never know that meaning. He understood that enjoying life should be of much greater concern than understanding it. And so do I. You can’t know. So don’t take it for granted, but don’t take it too seriously. Don’t postpone what you want. Don’t leave anything misunderstood. Make sure the people you care about know. Make sure they know how you really feel, because just like that, it could end.”
the whole in my heart never closes; however it get’s easier to breathe.
that’s the only way i can describe my healing process of the last 10 years. The pain is still there…just not as apparent. This scares me to death. I want to know that she’s the same person I remember and that nothing has changed. I know I have changed though and I also know that I cannot ruin my present by holding on to my past.
